


Broken self

by WritingforTheAvengers



Category: Avengers, MCU, Marvel, Tony Stark - Fandom
Genre: #savetonystark2k17, Anxiety Attacks, F/M, lots of fluff anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-10
Updated: 2017-11-10
Packaged: 2019-01-31 08:54:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12678585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingforTheAvengers/pseuds/WritingforTheAvengers
Summary: Tony Stark hasn't been quite well after the Civil Wark, his panic attacks hit him on the most unexpected moments; fortunately, there you are to help.





	Broken self

You knocked twice and tried to push the door but you couldn’t. You twisted the knob and pushed the door again only to find that it was locked from inside. You didn’t knock again; instead, you hit it repeatedly so the person inside would open. It was Tony’s office, and he was most probably working on something. That was what you thought until you heard the sobbing inside.

“Tony, open the door,” you demanded.

“Mr. Stark doesn’t want to be disturbed, Miss (Y/N),” FRIDAY replied. It never ceased to amaze you how much expression she could have even though being nothing but a voice assistant; she was not even artificial intelligence but she still managed to have a sentient voice. “I’ll let him know you were her-”

“He knows damn well I’m already here,” you hit the door harder, throwing yourself at it in the process, “FRIDAY help me out, open the door,”

“But-the protocol-”

“Override it!” You yelled, finally getting the door open. But what you saw inside made you stop immediately and silently apologize. Tony was a mess; a shaking, crying, mess. He grabbed his head tightly and next to him laid the letter and the phone that Steve sent a while ago. You bit your bottom lip and looked up to the ceiling as if it could offer some kind of help.

You knew the man had a severe PSTD, and that the Avengers’ break only made it worse. He no longer had his friend Steve, and Bruce was long gone and nowhere to be found, and to make things even worse, you felt like he didn’t have you, despite you had been there with him more times than he wanted to admit. Tony Stark felt lonelier than ever, and you were helplessly looking at him; how he broke down in tears and inside. You slowly kneeled next to him, trying to give him space but still letting him know that you were there.

“Tony, hey…” you crossed your legs and patiently waited for him to at least breathe normally. You stayed in silence, feeling how your heart broke into pieces when you saw him like that. “Just so you know… I’m gonna stay here with you,” he nodded. You fixed your eyes on the letter and phone and pushed them away from Tony; he noticed the movement and looked up to you. He made you think of a deer that had been blinded by a moving car in the middle of the road. His bottom lip trembled and you thought that his hands would either break into his skull or that he would get some awful bruises. You moved slowly back to your position and calmly asked. “Do you want to hold my hands?” You reached out your hands halfway; your palms faced the ceiling and you saw how Tony’s eyes jumped from yours to your hands, back and forth. He rested his hands on his lap and shook his head; you understood that he didn’t want to. “Ok, don’t worry. I’m still here,” he nodded again and started taking deep breaths. One at a time, and very slowly. You smiled faintly and almost to yourself.

“Where could he be?” He asked in a barely audible whisper and in between sobs. “This doesn’t say anything about his whereabouts…” he said in an absentminded manner, as if what just happened never did. “Do you think Fury knows…?”

“Uhh…” you doubted, “he might,” you finally conceded, “do you want me to reach out for him?”

“No,” he rose his eyebrows quickly, “he’s the last person I want to see… He and Steve, Romanoff, Barton, Sam, and Barnes… and… And T’Challa. Yeah, I don’t want to see any of them,” he looked at you again and smiled. You could tell he was definitely more calmed and he even had forgotten a name. Wanda’s. “Have I been like this for too long?” He sniffed and wiped with the back of his hand the last few tears from his rosy cheeks. He tried to collect himself to make it look like nothing ever happened. “I’m sorry for such scandal, I didn’t mean to lock myself but…”

“It’s totally fine,” you assured him, “cup of tea?” he hummed a positive answer and you offered him your hand again; this time he took it.

You walked him to the kitchen and made him sit down while you got the tea ready. Tony was not allowed to have coffee after suffering a crisis, and even though he hated to admit it, he secretly thanked you each time you refused to feed him with caffeine or with anything that tasted like coffee or reminded him of it. You sat in front of him, waiting until he said something about the event of about anything at all. It usually took longer than it did that day.

“Why are you still with me?” He finally said, “I have nothing to offer you but my broken self. I can barely have sex with you, I don’t have a normal life… My best friend is learning how to walk, and the family I knew is as torn apart as I am… I mean, like, there’s nothing good with me,”

“I just don’t see it that way,” you tried to smile, “I do see how broken you are, but I also see how hard you try to keep yourself together,” you looked at the cup in your hands and then looked up to him again. “I love you, broken or not.”

“I just can’t seem to do anything right these days…” he threw his back on the couch and covered his face with his hands; everything indicated he was about to burst in tears again. “First, everything that happened with Ultron, Bruce’s disappearing, the team…”

“And you forget that you helped that kid, Peter. You’re helping Rhodes getting back on track-”

“From an accident I caused,” his voice came out shaky.

“You didn’t, Tony,” you went to sit next to him, far away enough to give him his own space in case another crisis arose, “nothing that happened was because of you. None of this is your fault,”

“I just can’t seem to shake everything away… It’s been so hard without them…”

“I know, sweetheart,” you hopped closer to him and placed your hand on his shoulder, “but I also know that you are greater than you think. Things will eventually come together, and when the time comes, I’ll still be with you,”

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you,” he seemed to chuckle, and curled next to you, leaning his head on your chest and allowing you to wrap your arms around him. It was always his safe place, and he loved the comfort and warmth that your embrace always offered; it made everything bad disappear and it only left you two in the world. No more worries in the picture; no more Steve dropping his signature shield; no more Thunderbolt Ross calling. “Thank you, and for the record, I love you,” he sheepishly admitted.

“I know,” you smiled and kissed his temple.


End file.
